Life After the Break-Up
Most people at some point in their lives will deal with an emotional break-up or divorce and that hurt can be profound, but there is a light at the end of tunnel. You just have to look for it.
The one huge mistake that I see most women (even men, but our focus is women) make after a divorce or break-up is getting into another relationship prematurely. It is essential that you not jump into another relationship to quickly; especially, when there are children involved. Just because you may feel that you are ready to move on does not mean that your kids are ready to deal with a new “step-parent” so soon. This is more damaging if the man that you just divorced or broke up with is their father. Like it or not there emotional well being is more important than yours. You are the adult and the decisions that are being made are completely out of your children’s control and you need to constantly remind yourself of this.
Things to focus on after a divorce or break-up:
- Seek help from friends or family that offer positive support.
- Stay positive and remember you are not alone.
- Take this time to regroup and get in touch with who you are.
- You need to re-evaluate your priorities, because they have changed.
- You need to figure out what you want out of life for yourself.
- Learn to be self-reliant, if you are not already.
- Use this time to work on your self-esteem. It is easy for your self-esteem to falter a little after a break-up or divorce.
- This is a great time to do something that you always wanted to do, go back to college, finish your bachelor’s degree or work on a master’s degree. Pick up a hobby, learn a trade, start an exercise program (check with your doctor first).
- Spend more time reconnecting with your kids. Take them skiing, hiking, fishing, etc. Just you and your kids. If you cannot afford that right now you can make dinner with your kids or go for a walk with them. The point is to spend time with them. Kids have a way of making you smile and you have always had the power to do the same with them. Remember you were the first person to make them smile and laugh.
- You need to sit down and honestly figure out why the relationship ended. Who was more to blame or was it 50/50? Was the break-up mutual? What did I learn from the relationship? What will I do differently next time? Was he the right man for me, if not, what am I looking for?
Jumping into a new relationship prematurely is not going to make the hurt go away and it is not going to help you grow as a person. This time should be about “You.” It is also unfair to the other man. If you truly care about him you need to get yourself together first, this way you are not getting into a new relationship with your old baggage. If you noticed I said “your” old baggage, because you are carrying old baggage if you do not take the time that you need to heal properly. Emotional pain can be just as bad, if not worse than physical pain and avoiding it will only deepen the wound. Whenever you are in a relationship you always give up a little piece of who you are. Use this time to get that little piece of you back.
Ladies, there is no knight in shining armor “Sleeping Beauty,” “The Frog Princess,” and “Cinderella” are all fairy tales. We live in the real world and we have real responsibilities to ourselves, our children (if you have them), and society, believe it or not.
If kids are involved you need to have a very open line of communication. You need to ask them how they feel about the situation and you need to effectively them convince them that the break-up is NOT their fault. Let them know that you will always love them and that they are the most important part of your life. I cannot stress enough how important it is to communicate with your kids. Communication is the key to building strong long lasting relationships with your children. They should be able to talk to you about anything and I do mean ANYTHING.
Being single is not a crime nor will not kill you, but if you want to live the rest of life with the right man you need to take this time and focus on yourself and your kids (if you have them).
Until next time remember:
Life is like a box of chocolates.
Enjoy Both!!!
